Looks Can Be Deceiving.

Some things in life are never what they seem. And some things are exactly what they seem. But lately I’ve realized that many, many things take on new meanings as we traverse life. What once was a ‘trophy for my hand’ has more recently become a symbol of much more than a Volleyball State Championship.

When my team and I ordered these rings, we were celebrating our second consecutive SC State Volleyball Championship. As the coach, I ordered the glitziest ring available, explaining that this was not just a ring. It was a symbol of success, dedication and hard work paying off.

I wore this ring daily for years, even after I left the school and no longer coached. Why? Not because it’s shiny gaudy exterior garnered stares from strangers or questions that resulted in bragging about my accomplishments. No. I wore this ring as a symbol of unexpected success. I wore it to represent the sheer joy I experienced as the coach of a group of tremendous young ladies determined to reach a goal that they had set for themselves. I wore it to remember to always keep pushing and to keep the idea of unexpected successes at the top of my mind.

Years later I would give this ring to my twin brother Toby. We sat on the back porch of his TX home, smoking a few cigarettes and knocking back a few beers for our 30th birthday. We were talking about life, sharing our struggles and looking to each other for support and guidance. Toby was having trouble with his first civilian job in 8 years. Having recently left the rigid structure of the military, the loosy-goosy civilian world was not his cup of tea. As he talked about his worries, I just handed him the ring. There was a deafening moment of silence as he looked at me. “This is your championship ring.”

I wanted Toby to have it. I knew what it stood for in my life, something that he was looking for. The understanding that even when we feel like we aren’t doing anything, we aren’t accomplishing what we want… we will. What is just beyond your grasp eventually ends up in your hands if you just keep reaching. He took the ring and kept it safe for 3 years.

Periodically I would ask Toby if he was taking care of the ring. He would always reassure me that it was in a special place, and when he thought I needed it, he would give it back. Recently, after Toby passed away, I got the ring back. As Toby’s wife came down the stairs clutching the ring tightly in her hand, I experienced deeply conflicted feelings. I wanted the ring, but this was not how I was supposed to get the ring back. I had always imagined another moment like the one in TX, except I would get handed the ring with words of encouragement from my biggest fan, my twin brother. But this is not how life played out, and the conflicted feelings would last for some time. Two months later it would hit me like a ton of bricks. Toby told me he would return the ring when he thought I needed it…. and I could never need this ring, and everything that it represents, more than I do now.

Advertisement