STOP ROBBING US!

So I went to an awards show Saturday night. I won an award. I had a few drinks with a classmate and her boyfriend to celebrate, then headed home. I was happy. That feeling was short lived. Upon my arrival home I saw a few irregular occurrences in the house. First, the front yard motion sensor light failed to greet me. Hmmm, strange. Then I went into the house and saw a few closet doors ajar. How the hell did the dogs do that? As I worked my way through the house to the back to let the dogs out, I came across some things from the bathroom on the floor. Small things, things that I was sure Maddy had somehow managed to grab off the sink. Yes, Maddy. Why was I ok with thinking that the 12 pound 12 inch high princess was able to leap onto the sink, grab the band-aid cream and return to the den with the easy of a gazelle? Why hadn’t it crossed my mind to notice that every drawer in the house was slightly open? Some more than than others, some seemingly untouched. It wasn’t until I rounded the corner in the den to let the girls out that I noticed that the back door had been kicked in and the remains of the lock lay lifeless and dismembered on the floor. AW SHIT! Fu*k, Fu*k, Fu*k! Damn it all to mother fu*king hell. We had been robbed again. I quickly looked into the office… yep all the computers are gone again. Again you ask? Yes God Damn it, AGAIN! We were robbed only three short months ago, and apparently the robbers enjoyed our stuff enough to come back for seconds. So I dialed 911. At this point it also had not dawned on me that I may not be alone. The 911 operator had to point that out.

“Are you in the house now?”
“Yeah.”
“Have you been in all the rooms?”
“No, why?”
“Please go back outside and wait for the police.”
“Why?”
“Well we need to make sure the robber is not still in your house.”
“Riiight.”

So as I waited on the front porch, smoking a cigarette, I felt all the energy drain from my body and slowly be replaced by discouragement, disbelief and hopelessness. Normally I am a pretty optimistic person. Happy on most accounts, stressed but under control. I have never felt so despondent, so incapable of thinking of what to do next, so I just leaned against the porch rail and exhaled a cloud of smoke that lingered in the air above me. A cloud of smoke, that seemed to hang out as if to remove any and all remaining hope I could muster up.

KT was stuck in a van on her way home from a bout. I was listening to the police call through the house, “Savannah Police,” and thinking to myself, no fuc*king way. So what do you do when your house is burglarized twice in three months? When it is apparent that someone is watching your house for deliveries, schedules and patterns, and waiting for their next opportunity? If you are a designer, you make a poster. Yeah yeah, a poster. One for the back door that marks the latest entry point, and maybe one for the yard.

“Dear Bastard who robs me, (keep it formal, maybe they won’t be insulted by the name calling)
A little FYI. This nation is in a recession. We, the inhabitants of this house, live in this great nation. We too are affected by the current economic downtown. You quite obviously are a heartless, lawless, morally corrupt individual who pays little attention to ownership and property rights. With this in mind, I am not pleading with you to stop, as I believe this to be fruitless concept and you too poisoned by the sweet blood of thievery, to care. What I would like to inform you of is this, you stole our shit. There will be no new shit for you to steal the next time. No upgrades, no new models of the electronics you keep stealing, no new gadgets, nothing. We have no cash and no jewelry. At this point and time we have no medication of any street value. And due to the recession previously mention, we cannot afford to keep you in the lifestyle to which you have become accustomed. So as we move forward from these unfortunate events, know that we have nothing left. And that we will not be getting anything new.

Looking forward to seeing you in jail,
Signed the current residents

p.s. if the vocabulary was beyond comprehension for you, we left a pocket dictionary on the table, we actually mean for you to take that.

“Sometimes a sense of humor is all you have left.”